Today is officially the last day that I am twenty five. Looking back at this past year, I can honestly say that the quarter life crisis is real and this struggle exists. And now, I'm happy to say I survived.

When I turned 25, I literally began to question my whole life. What am I doing with my life? Is this what I'm suppose to be doing? Was I meant to do something else? Am I the person I want to be? Am I living out my destiny? Sounds cliche, I know, but it's completely true. All these questions, constantly racing through my brain.

The first half of the year, I was determined to get out of the "rut" that I was in. Trying to find a new job, doing a bunch of things... but just trying to find an out from where I was currently in. I was desperate and determined... but for the wrong reasons. I was "asking" God for help and direction, but I didn't exactly allow him to direct me either. So naturally, in all things that you try to do on your own, you fail. And I fail, I did. Hardcore.

Then, something happened in the summer. On July 4th, I was singing during a service and God spoke to me. I was praying and praying hard. Telling him I need him. Telling him I couldn't do it on my own. Asking him pull through for me. I just kept praying and praying. So wrapped up in my prayer and constant talking to God. I was taken aback when I heard his voice.

It was clear as day. It wasn't loud, or daunting, but it was just... clear. I didn't see fire. I didn't see the clouds open. A light didn't shine at me. It wasn't like a whisper, but it was like someone just talked into my ear. It's hard to explain I guess, but the one word that describes his voice is the word clear. There's something trippy that goes on when you realize it's not something you dream up and psych yourself up for, God talking to you and all... It just happens. When you don't expect it, but when you need it most. He told me that he was already there for me. That I need to let Him be there. Let Him do what he needs to do in my life.

So I am. I'm trying. Being human, it gets difficult, and you fail (a lot), but I told myself that I just need to be the best version of myself that I can be. Everyday. And just keep going. Keep moving forward. I still make mistakes. Things still get to me. Some things are still painful. Some memories still make me angry. But in my 25th year of life, I discovered that it's about the choice that you make. Your attitude is your choice. Your actions are your choice. So I try to make that choice everyday. The right one. There's days that I slip up. Sometimes, I have to make that conscious choice more than once a day, but I do my best to make it.

This is by far the most humbling and eye-opening year for me. If I could describe my 25th year in a phrase, it would simply be personal growth. In this year of life, my circumstance didn't change... but I did. I'm choosing to listen to God. I'm choosing to trust God. I'm choosing to be at peace... with whatever happens.

"Do not be afraid or discouraged, for the Lord will personally go ahead of you. He will be with you; he will neither fail you nor abandon you." -Deuteronomy 31:8 (NLT)

I'll tell you my life isn't perfect, because it really isn't. Nothing is ever peachy keen. But what I can say is... I'm happy. I feel blessed. I really do. and most of all... I'm at peace. So with all that said, I think I can say... crisis averted.


-Gardenia Rose