Lately, I've been struggling. Mentally. Physically. Emotionally. I'll tell you what I mean.

My life has decided to throw a curveball and give me cluster migraines and tension headaches. Since late March, It's just been getting worse and worse. Imagine waking up with what feels like someone pressing against the side and/or back of your head and attempting to go about your whole day that way. And that's a good day. The bad days feel like someone is knocking from inside my head trying to get out. Odd and somewhat creepy analogy, I know... but so true.

Most days aren't too bad. But some days are unbearable that I just do the minimum of what is absolutely required of me that day (usually on the weekend) or take an Excedrin and just try to tough it out. Knowing that I shouldn't take NSAIDs on a daily basis, I do this minimally and try what the professionals like to call non-pharmaceutical treatments. So far I've had three doctor appointments, have had my medications switched twice, attended a headache class and evaluation, and am now scheduled for a CT scan and an evaluation with my neurologist.

With all that's been happening, this obviously bleeds into my mental and emotional state of mind- attempting not to worry and trying to do just as much as I can to try to get my mind off the situation. Easy to say and very hard to do. If I'm left to my own idle business, it's a very dangerous and occasionally dark path. The negative thoughts begin to overflow my mind and those never lead to good things. So... I set my sights on other and more positive things. I spend time with family and friends, write music, go to church, have foodie dates, chill with my little Simba, and attend a young adults bible study group.

I mentioned earlier this year that I started going to bible study. We've been learning a lot and it's really allowed me to see another aspect of God that I didn't learn in Sunday School or youth group, which is awesome. Lately, we've been learning about who God is through the life of Joseph- his story and the trials he faced while still being faithful to God and the dreams that He gave him.

The "funny" thing about all this though is that earlier in the year, I've been asking God to give me more patience and not to be quick with anger. And in God fashion, he gives me lovely opportunities to be patient and not resort to anger. And on top of that, he provides a teaching that reminds me to stay faithful even in the tough times. How... timely isn't it? That's just who He is. The scripture that stands out to me the most and that hold onto is this...

"There’s more to come: We continue to shout our praise even when we’re hemmed in with troubles, because we know how troubles can develop passionate patience in us, and how that patience in turn forges the tempered steel of virtue, keeping us alert for whatever God will do next. In alert expectancy such as this, we’re never left feeling shortchanged. Quite the contrary—we can’t round up enough containers to hold everything God generously pours into our lives through the Holy Spirit!"

I know that's a lot to take in, but I'm barely at the "developing passionate patience" portion of it all. I most definitely do not have a "tempered steel of virtue" quite yet. But, I am in the process. I'm allowing to let the troubles that I am currently facing in different aspects of my life teach me how I choose to react.

I guess what I'm trying to say is, I'm not perfect, but God is doing a work in me. He is bigger and stronger than the struggles that I am facing, so I trust in Him. I have faith that he will see me, not out of it, but through it. He will make me better and stronger physically, mentally, and emotionally as the Holy Spirit pours into my life, just as the passage says, that even I can't contain it.

-Gardenia Rose