Since it's Thanksgiving tomorrow, instead of making a birthday post, I decided to make this week's #WOW about the ones I am thankful for. :)

They're amazing. When I say family... I mean my parents, my sister and her family, my husband's parents, and his sisters and brothers. That's my family. I love them. We might be crazy sometimes. We may not always see eye to eye or share the same perspective, but I love them so much. I'm so thankful to have both parents who fully supports Lorenzo and I. I'm thankful my sister and my brother (I don't really like the whole in-law thing), whom (who?) I can always count on when I need advice or just a listening ear. I'm thankful for their three little munchkins, whose smiles give me life. I'm thankful for my brothers and sisters who make me feel so short, but make me feel so loved. I feel so blessed to have them.
I'm so thankful for this guy. We've only been married for a little over a year, but I am extremely blessed to have him. He makes me laugh when I'm grumpy. He holds me when I cry. (literally. like a child.) He puts me in my place when I need to be corrected. He works extremely hard to give our little fam the life he wants us to have. I can always count on him to be there for me. He's just so amazing. I won't go on, because I really could do this forever. I'm just really happy to marry my best friend and share life with him. :)

and that wraps up this week's #WOW! Have a great thanksgiving everyone!
 
-Gardenia Rose

Today is officially the last day that I am twenty five. Looking back at this past year, I can honestly say that the quarter life crisis is real and this struggle exists. And now, I'm happy to say I survived.

When I turned 25, I literally began to question my whole life. What am I doing with my life? Is this what I'm suppose to be doing? Was I meant to do something else? Am I the person I want to be? Am I living out my destiny? Sounds cliche, I know, but it's completely true. All these questions, constantly racing through my brain.

The first half of the year, I was determined to get out of the "rut" that I was in. Trying to find a new job, doing a bunch of things... but just trying to find an out from where I was currently in. I was desperate and determined... but for the wrong reasons. I was "asking" God for help and direction, but I didn't exactly allow him to direct me either. So naturally, in all things that you try to do on your own, you fail. And I fail, I did. Hardcore.

Then, something happened in the summer. On July 4th, I was singing during a service and God spoke to me. I was praying and praying hard. Telling him I need him. Telling him I couldn't do it on my own. Asking him pull through for me. I just kept praying and praying. So wrapped up in my prayer and constant talking to God. I was taken aback when I heard his voice.

It was clear as day. It wasn't loud, or daunting, but it was just... clear. I didn't see fire. I didn't see the clouds open. A light didn't shine at me. It wasn't like a whisper, but it was like someone just talked into my ear. It's hard to explain I guess, but the one word that describes his voice is the word clear. There's something trippy that goes on when you realize it's not something you dream up and psych yourself up for, God talking to you and all... It just happens. When you don't expect it, but when you need it most. He told me that he was already there for me. That I need to let Him be there. Let Him do what he needs to do in my life.

So I am. I'm trying. Being human, it gets difficult, and you fail (a lot), but I told myself that I just need to be the best version of myself that I can be. Everyday. And just keep going. Keep moving forward. I still make mistakes. Things still get to me. Some things are still painful. Some memories still make me angry. But in my 25th year of life, I discovered that it's about the choice that you make. Your attitude is your choice. Your actions are your choice. So I try to make that choice everyday. The right one. There's days that I slip up. Sometimes, I have to make that conscious choice more than once a day, but I do my best to make it.

This is by far the most humbling and eye-opening year for me. If I could describe my 25th year in a phrase, it would simply be personal growth. In this year of life, my circumstance didn't change... but I did. I'm choosing to listen to God. I'm choosing to trust God. I'm choosing to be at peace... with whatever happens.

"Do not be afraid or discouraged, for the Lord will personally go ahead of you. He will be with you; he will neither fail you nor abandon you." -Deuteronomy 31:8 (NLT)

I'll tell you my life isn't perfect, because it really isn't. Nothing is ever peachy keen. But what I can say is... I'm happy. I feel blessed. I really do. and most of all... I'm at peace. So with all that said, I think I can say... crisis averted.


-Gardenia Rose

It's been a few months since I've been to the movies. But now that the Holiday season is coming up, there are so many movies that I'm so excited to see! Here's my list so far:

Source: imdb.com

Source: imdb.com

Source: imdb.com

Source: imdb.com

This weekend will mark a year- a year since Urijah Jay became an angel.

One of my close friends had the joy of bringing a child into this world. Urijah was born on June 4th of last year. He loved the heck outta that kid. He made lots of plans for Urijah and him. They were going to go to baseball games, play basketball, teach him about God, and all the things that a father dreams to do with their son. But God had a different plan. A plan we all couldn't quite grasp. Sometimes we don't understand Him and His ways, but we know His way is best... even if we can't comprehend it. I wrote this in December of last year after a song triggered an unleashing of emotion. I titled this blog, Heaven.

on Beyonce’s new album, there’s a song entitled Heaven. this song has grown to have so much meaning to me. every time i hear it, i think of Urijah Jay. i don’t like to talk about extremely private things on tumblr sometimes, especially if it’s not my matter, but i can’t help it this time. my heart cries. every time i hear this song. the lyrics go like this…

I fought for you

The hardest, it made me the strongest

So tell me your secrets

I just can’t stand to see you leaving

But heaven couldn’t wait for you

No heaven couldn’t wait for you

Heaven couldn’t wait for you

No heaven couldn’t wait for you

So go on, go home

We laughed at the darkness

So scared that we lost it

We stood on the ceilings

You showed me love was all you needed

"and heaven couldn’t wait for you…" when that repeats, all i see his Urijah’s face. in my head. his tiny smiles. through all the tubes. his light. that shined past the sedation. past the physical issues.

he wasn’t my child, but he’s my one of my best friends’ son. and since i’ve known jay since the 7th grade, we’re like family. and when family loses one of their own. it’s painful. and i know that if i hurt like this. i know Jay and Naomi hurt more. which makes my heart hurt all over again.

i know he’s in a better place. i know Jesus wanted him more than we wanted him here with us. but sometimes… it just hurts. sometimes, it’s just painful. they were preparing. we were preparing. for you to come home. i just didn’t think the home you wanted to go… wasn’t the one here with us.

sometimes i don’t understand how i feel so deeply for Urijah, but i do.  it’s a mix of everything. knowing Jay for so long. being the firstborn of our second family. knowing i have two siblings up there as well. i don’t know.

i just wish we had more time. i wish i had the courage to pick you up when i could. i wish i saw you more. i was just so fixed on you coming home. remembering the videos jay sent us of you looking at us wanting to go home. i just didn’t know the home you meant was heaven and not here.

Auntie G and Uncle Lorenzo miss you. your parents miss you. but we know you’re home. so it’s okay. go on, go home.

RIP Urijah Jay.

-Gardenia Rose

Source: tumblr.com

-Gardenia Rose

I really don't like getting told what to do. I mean, no does right? For me, I already know it's because I'm humanly stubborn that I just don't wanna hear it. Sometimes though, my buttons get all greased up and are easier to push than usual. My fuse is as short as a toothpick. My patience is lost in Neverland and I'm too old to go and get it back. And I snap. 

Fashion is so forward that Spring Summer 2015 collections are released before Daylight Saving Time ends. I know I'm a little late (more like a month late) in lining up my faves from SS15 shows, but I'm doing it anyway. :)

Runways for Spring are always fun for me. One reason why? Because of the florals of course! I know, florals for Spring & Summer... how "profound," but honestly, what I love to look for is how designers spin it to something brilliant and new. Here's my floral faves from the runway.